But all of it will be for not if we don't practice proper etiquette. So, as a good Canadian I've decided to post online the definitive DO's and DON'T's list to help us get ready.
By the time you've memorized my advice you'll be ready to hold your own should you be invited to attend a Royal Dinner, a Royal Orgy, a Royal Crime Spree, or even just an informal Royal Slap and Tickle.
GRAB THEIR ASS
Remember, the Royal Couple are just people like you and me, so of course they enjoy a good butt squeeze. Don't be shy, they hate half-hearted attempts (who wouldn't?) so if you intend to cop a feel, do it with confidence! I've seen members of the Royal Family ask folks to 'do it again' when it's done right. Maybe this time it will be you!
SPIT WHEN YOU TALK
The constant walk abouts tend to dry their faces out. You have no idea how much they appreciate a good spray on hot days. Words that start with 'P' and 'SH' are the preferred form of spraying but feel free to be creative.
COMPLIMENT THE 'HOTNESS' FACTOR
Prince William did not go to the bother of marrying a sexy gal just so you'd ignore his accomplishment. Tell him how much you'd 'do her' if you had the chance. He'll appreciate the feedback.
The Royals are big on horses. The more you can imitate one, the more likely you are to win them over. And nothing farts like a horse. Show your Canadian pride and if you should be one of the fortunate ones that Kate speaks to, bend over and let rip! It will be sure to bring a smile to her face. Just be sure not to light it, which is frowned upon by most Royals (Prince Philip excluded).
Nothing is worse for a Royal than to say 'Knock Knock,' and have no one say 'Who's There?' It's just common sense people.
OFFER LOCAL PORN
One of the main reasons the Royals visit other countries is to get a taste of international porn. Don't give them 'Cockney Cocks' or 'The Biggest Tits In Brighton', because they've probably already watched it. They want something new. Hint: S&M, Water Sports and Tranny stuff is never turned down by Their Royal Highnesses!
PLAY HARD TO GET
These kids may be Royal, but they're extremely busy. They don't have time to pursue you, so it is very appreciated if you simply drop your pants and bend over when spoken to.
GIVE THEM YOUR CHILDREN
The Royals (to a one) are very particular when it comes to breeding so it's always awkward when they have to return a child who's 'trashy'. And seriously, have you looked at your child lately?
GRAB THEM AND BEGIN AN IMPROMPTU POLKA
Unless they're wearing their polka outfits, it's considered bad manners.
CHALLENGE THEM TO AN OIL WRESTLING MATCH
Like the Polka rule, it's okay if they're already oiled down and in speedos. But remember, Royals loathe tag team matches. And please remember to use a clean inflatable pool. Basically, with this one, just use common sense & you'll be fine.
DRAW ATTENTION TO YOUR LARGE CROTCH (MEN) OR BREASTS (WOMEN)
They have enough insecurities.
ASK PERSONAL QUESTIONS
It's always inappropriate. For example, Prince William loves to carry bananas in his pocket. Imagine his embarrassment at having to say he's not happy to see you.
FORGET TO REACH INTO WILLIAM'S POCKET & SQUEEZE
He's not carrying those bananas for his health.
Okay, you're set. Get out there and meet and greet the Royals. Your mastery of Royal Etiquette will guarantee they never forget meeting you!