Wednesday, September 22, 2010

In the right combination, keys on the keyboard can produce a shitload of crap.

A spirit bear came to me last night and said that I need not worry about the present because my destiny resided over the mountains. Half way through, he noticed my boner and awkwardly tried to pretend he didn't. Ever hear of knocking spirit bear? FUCK!

Maybe I'm just an old softy but I miss Saigon.

Isn't it weird that no one sits on anyone's face in Romance novels?

I always tell people I'm a dermatologist when I'm at the bar. That way if I'm rejected I can 'suddenly' do a double take and stare at one of their moles for a solid 3 seconds. Then I'll make eye contact and slowly smile vengefully before walking away.

I don't always fart in an elevator but I do always want to.

I will always stop someone telling an oversized penis joke and explain to them that it's no joke having one and then stomp off. I realize it makes me sound like I don't have a sense of humor, but it also makes me sound like I don't have a small penis.

Saw a glory hole today. I didn't realize Sperm Banks had ATM's too.

Hey Gloria Gaynor! No you won't.