Sunday, March 28, 2010

How To Tell You're An Alpha Male And NOT In A Good Way

You OWN the Polka Dance Floor.

People know to get out of your way when you slip into your white patent leather 'Friday Night' shoes.

You tell it like it is and the other bowlers back the hell down.

You refuse to 'suck up' to your latest girlfriend's kids even if one of them has got seniority over you on the weekend shift at the drive-thru window.

You ignore your friends' taunts and ALWAYS roll down the car door window if you fart and there's a lady in the car. No ifs ands or buts.

You're not one of those Namby Pamby guys who changes his hair style every 20 years.

You carry your own personalized Cribbage Board around in case you're ever challenged.

You don't just have your kids' names tattooed on you like some schmuck, but have their portraits at the age of 2, as well.

Your peeps down at the social assistance center think of you as the 'go to' guy.

You make fun of guys with 9 to 5 jobs.  Or any job really.

You believe in bros before hos even though you also believe they're spelled brose and hose.

Your idea of romance is looking deep into her eyes while calling her your 'Old Lady'.

You don't trust any man who don't 'chaw' tobaccy.  And never will.

You don't really see a difference between a 'Wife Beater' shirt and all shirts.

You believe nail clippers are a waste of good money.

You KNOW that gun shows are the only thing that keep you sane.  Well, that and the wrestling show when it comes to town.

You tell the doctor what's wrong with you and not the other way around, cause he don't know nothin'!

Your biggest sexual fetish is to do it with a woman who has all her teeth.  But you know it's only a crazy fantasy.

You have no respect for anyone who pays for their cable.


  1. I'm getting sick and tired of you directing your blogs at me!! Hmm, I thought it was 'brows' and 'hows'.

    And by the way, nail clippers ARE a waste of good money. I've never owned a pair. Although I'm either going to have to break down and buy some or lose weight since it's getting harder and harder to bite my toenails.

  2. Now why do you suppose God gave Ryan teeth? Honestly, Corey, you're spoiling him!