For many of us, talking to a celebrity at a party is simply not going to happen.
Of course, 'many of us' has never included me (but you know that), so I've composed a list of things that celebrities have said to me over the years that I'd like to share with you. THIS way, you too, will know what it's like to be a mover and/or a shaker, like me moving and/or shaking.
I'm so excited for you, because NOW is your moment to really understand how magical a Hollywood 'Doo' can be, as well as gain intimate knowledge of what the celebs REALLY talk about... You know, I'm too good to you.
WHAT CELEBS HAVE CONFIDED TO ME AT PARTIES OVER THE YEARS
"Get off me!" - Brad Pitt
"Yoo hoo! Over here!" - John Travolta
"Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Snork! Huh? What happ... zzzzzzzzz." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Oh! I'm so terribly sorry. What a decidedly bad time for my boil to drain." - Prince Harry
"I have to have the rubber tube inserted just right to achieve the 'look'." - Paris Hilton
"Me too. But of course, I define 'look' as 'smile'." - Perez Hilton
"Ka Ching!" - Caroline Kennedy at THREE different parties!
"I just asked if that was your finger. I didn't say 'stop'." - Justin Bieber
"Did you just eat? Can I smell your breath? PLEASE!?!" - Angelina Jolie
"What tray of h'ordeurves? And before you answer, I can BUUUUUY YOUUUU!" - Oprah
"The money's just too damned good. I don't DARE risk my career by coming clean about preferring men." - Ellen Degeneres
"Oh Christ! If Brett Butler asks, you didn't see me!" - Charlie Sheen
"See you if Christ Sheen Oh Charlie me didn't! Okay?! Charlie! Hey Charo!" - Brett Butler
"Maree a widdo tight. But I loo gorjuuus, light?" - Joan Rivers
"Still, I stand in the corner alone." - Maya Angelou
"It's really our children's party. Go talk to them. GO! TALK TO THEM! LOVE THEM! LOOOVE THEEEMMMM!" - Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith
"So are we gonna do it? Be cool! Be cool! Here comes Katie." - Do you really need attribution?
"Wait till I tell you about my latest project. Too late, you're handcuffed." - Kirstie Ally
"It's so hard to hire a maid these days. They're all looking for someone 'younger'. Judgemental beetches." - Arnold Schwarzenneger
"So I said, 'Bitch. I wear the dress around here. Hee Hee! Anyhoo, I need some blow. Chat with ya later." - The Pope
"More wine, sir?" - Scott Baio
"Is it me, or do those curtains look just like my arms?" - Madonna
"It's called 'Blind Love' but it kinda sounds like 'Is it me, or do those curtains look just like my arms'." - Lady Gaga
"I can't believe I'm here! I guess I've really arrived!" - One of the Glee kids... God knows which one.
"Dahling. Be sweet and help me move my body over to the bar. Oh, you're so brave and I love you." - Ivana Trump
"Can I get you to sign this petition? Remember though, I didn't know anything about it. I'm serious. I'll cut you." - Betty White
"Yeah, the Jubilee was fun, but I couldn't stop farting. Fucking banquet food." - The Queen
"Fame sucks. People are too afraid to tell you the truth. Will you? Please? I just want to know. Am I dead?" - Michael Jackson
"Wow. What's HIS problem?" - Whitney Houston
There you have it. You're one of the 'In' crowd now. Don't say I never do anything for you... It's been said by too many already. xoxo