Friday, June 15, 2012

Celebrity Party Talk

For many of us, talking to a celebrity at a party is simply not going to happen.

Of course, 'many of us' has never included me (but you know that), so I've composed a list of things that celebrities have said to me over the years that I'd like to share with you. THIS way, you too, will know what it's like to be a mover and/or a shaker, like me moving and/or shaking.

I'm so excited for you, because NOW is your moment to really understand how magical a Hollywood 'Doo' can be, as well as gain intimate knowledge of what the celebs REALLY talk about... You know, I'm too good to you.


"Get off me!" - Brad Pitt

"Yoo hoo! Over here!" - John Travolta

"Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Snork! Huh? What happ... zzzzzzzzz." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Oh! I'm so terribly sorry. What a decidedly bad time for my boil to drain." - Prince Harry

"I have to have the rubber tube inserted just right to achieve the 'look'." - Paris Hilton

"Me too. But of course, I define 'look' as 'smile'." - Perez Hilton

"Ka Ching!" - Caroline Kennedy at THREE different parties!

"I just asked if that was your finger. I didn't say 'stop'." - Justin Bieber

"Did you just eat? Can I smell your breath? PLEASE!?!" - Angelina Jolie

"What tray of h'ordeurves? And before you answer, I can BUUUUUY YOUUUU!" - Oprah

"The money's just too damned good. I don't DARE risk my career by coming clean about preferring men." - Ellen Degeneres

"Oh Christ! If Brett Butler asks, you didn't see me!" - Charlie Sheen

"See you if Christ Sheen Oh Charlie me didn't! Okay?! Charlie! Hey Charo!" - Brett Butler

"Maree a widdo tight. But I loo gorjuuus, light?" - Joan Rivers

"Still, I stand in the corner alone." - Maya Angelou

"It's really our children's party. Go talk to them. GO! TALK TO THEM! LOVE THEM! LOOOVE THEEEMMMM!" - Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith

"So are we gonna do it? Be cool! Be cool! Here comes Katie." - Do you really need attribution?

"Wait till I tell you about my latest project. Too late, you're handcuffed." - Kirstie Ally

"It's so hard to hire a maid these days. They're all looking for someone 'younger'. Judgemental beetches." - Arnold Schwarzenneger

"So I said, 'Bitch. I wear the dress around here. Hee Hee! Anyhoo, I need some blow. Chat with ya later." - The Pope

"More wine, sir?" - Scott Baio

"Is it me, or do those curtains look just like my arms?" - Madonna

"It's called 'Blind Love' but it kinda sounds like 'Is it me, or do those curtains look just like my arms'." - Lady Gaga

"I can't believe I'm here! I guess I've really arrived!" - One of the Glee kids... God knows which one.

"Dahling. Be sweet and help me move my body over to the bar. Oh, you're so brave and I love you." - Ivana Trump

"Can I get you to sign this petition? Remember though, I didn't know anything about it. I'm serious. I'll cut you." - Betty White

"Yeah, the Jubilee was fun, but I couldn't stop farting. Fucking banquet food." - The Queen

"Fame sucks. People are too afraid to tell you the truth. Will you? Please? I just want to know. Am I dead?" - Michael Jackson

"Wow. What's HIS problem?" - Whitney Houston

There you have it. You're one of the 'In' crowd now. Don't say I never do anything for you... It's been said by too many already. xoxo

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