Hey! I Just Thought Of Somethin'

You know I just can't get that damned Alamo out of my head. I hope Texas is happy now.

What is so wrong about never that late gets all the kudos?!?!

Sometime in the past, someone, somewhere actually said something like, "Damned if I know, let's just call it a polyp."

At least I hope so, that's way better than its having been 'discovered' by Alexander Dumont Montague Polyp III.

The earth is traveling through space at 67,000 miles per hour. Technically we're all astronauts on the most incredible spaceship to ever exist... so where's my #%^$@ paycheque NASA?!?!?!

It's commonplace now, but in our past someone was the first to decide to drink what was coming out of a cow's udder. WTF was HIS problem?!?! I'll say this though, he was obviously a spectacular salesman - he talked everyone else into trying it, and here we are today just chugging the stuff. Thank God he died only hours BEFORE his plan to sample Hippopotamus urine.

Couldn't the Queen of England get by with just ONE 3,000,000 sq ft Palace? I'm only askin' cause I'm pretty sure the homeless could.

People who go on Reality shows must have the greatest bosses.

I think that we, as a people, need to seriously re-vamp some of our sayings. Does anyone really relate to 'Till the cows come home' anymore? What about 'Crying wolf'? I mean seriously, when was the last time you EVER heard the call 'Wolf! Wolf!' and went running to see if you could help? I could give more examples but why flog a dead horse?

The Catholic Church demands that all their priests swear off sex for life and then wonder why they all turn out to be sexual deviants. Who else would agree to THAT job requirement BUT people who agree sex is bad and have the history to prove it?

Gotta hand it to whoever invented Popcorn... neat trick!

My condolences to whoever tried to invent Poppotatoes. Good try though.

Darren's vote for best invention of all time? Flush toilets. Seriously, how great is HDTV if I've got to run to the outhouse during a commercial?

Other than correcting disfigurements, there is absolutely no need for plastic surgery, EVER. Which must be why it's a multi-billion dollar industry.

Is there a legal limit to how big a G-string can be? Because there really should be...

Diana, Princess of Wales, John F. Kennedy Jr., Elvis, Mother Theresa, Michael Jackson... dead. Me? Still kickin' baby! I could win this thing yet!