Sunday, March 6, 2011

SOMEBODY has to say it!

The proper seasoning can be the difference between 'okay' and 'great' food sex.

It's nice to see the homeless finally using their mental illnesses to make money. Charlie, Lindsay, Mel, et al. Congrats!

A part of me is relieved I didn't get an invite to the Royal Wedding. I just don't have the energy to go diamond hat shopping again.

I spent a fortune planning the big 41st anniversary party for Gadhafi. Hey Libya, what part of  'non-returnable deposit' don't you get?!?!

That "Life doesn't just hand you everything" talk didn't go as well as Martin Sheen had hoped.

"When two elephants wrestle, it's the grass that loses. So you're saying I'm useless? Nice." - Referee.

"There's more than one way to skin a cat." - know-it-all Cat Skinner.

"We've got to rethink the 'pout' strategy. Maybe play up the Anorexia angle." - Brangelina's PR firm fighting back against Charlie Sheen's media blitz.

Okay, so I read the ad wrong. The point is, I don't think I should have to pay to have my nipples un-tucked.

I'm really surprised that the Middle East hasn't calmed down now that the iPad 2 is out. What's it going to take to please these people?

Hey, remember when it was the shows, not the actors, that jumped the shark?

"A little Meth, some paper and a pen and you'd be blown away at the shit I come up with." - Maya Angelou

Charlie Sheen has inspired drug addicts everywhere to demand double welfare.

"Somehow, our message is being lost in today's world events." - Potato industry

I don't mind the alien probes, it's the eye contact that's awkward.

I've got one goal, and one goal only. To die on the toilet. The rest is just fluff.


  1. Just when we thought it was safe to go back in the water, Darrenkipedia is back with more hilarity. Oops, I mean more informative and factual tidbits. Welcome back. You were missed.

  2. Thnak you. Thnak you very much. (I've just learned Martian & you do NOT want to know what thnak means. Or... do you you dirty dog?)

  3. Well I thought 'thnak' was what Marlee Matlin asks for when she wants something to munch on but now I'm confused with this Martian thing.