Sunday, August 22, 2010

IMAX Movies that disappointed even in 3D

A lot of you don't know that I've produced countless IMAX movies over the years. You don't know, because I'm not one to brag. You probably also don't know because they all had just one showing before being pulled.

That's a shame, I think. I mean, I poured my heart and soul into them and it kills me that they are so ahead of their time that no one could appreciate their grandeur. All were in 3D and STILL no one sat through them! It's enough to make me consider stopping, and perhaps after my next 37 big productions I will. You have been warned!

Now, while I can't show them on a blog, I can certainly list them, so I hope the titles will give you a sense of the majesty of film that you unfortunately missed through the years. Here they are in no particular order:

Trickle:  The History Of Diareaha

Polyp:  The Unsung Body Part

Katwomando:  The History Of Feminism In Nepal

Martin Scorsese Presents:  Aye Aye Sir - The Walter Koenig Story

The Human Toe: An Incredible 3D Journey From Birth To Old Age

Gasp!:  The Amazing Story Of Wheezing

Exploring The Outer Planets Through Interpretive Dance

Pumpkin: The Gourde That Defied The Pope

Journey To The Center Of Lou Diamond Philips

Wheat:  The Life Cycle Of The World's Most Mysterious Grain

Mommy, What Is Flatulence?

Exploring Farm Fence Posts

Sphincter: Nature's Dam

Pebbles From Around The World

The Questionable Outfits Of The Modern Day Incas

The Exquisite Gardener: The Other Side Of Ted Bundy

The Phone Book: Narrated By Morgan Freeman

For those of you wondering. Yes, I could be talked into coming to your homes with my films and entertaining you and your guests for a long weekend. Just give me a call.


  1. Quite an impressive resume Sir Darren. (I'm not sure if you've been knighted yet, but I'm assuming that you have.) I should let you know that not only did I sit through one of your movies, I watched Sphincter: Nature's Dam TWICE!!! Cinematic brilliance the whole family can enjoy! And I loved the Pepto Bismal product placement. You probably made a fortune from that. I'm still waiting anxiously for your documentary on Mark Wahlberg's third nipple. Are you still in pre-production?

  2. So YOU'RE the reason I was able to buy my BetaMax! Thank you thank you thank you!
    Also, thanks for asking about our progress on 'New Areola On The Block: The Mark Wahlberg Story'.

    We just wrapped the whole thing up last week (the nipple got infected) and also wrapped production several months ago.

    You'll love the show. It's like Mark's nipples are coming right at you! Scary stuff (even more than the plot ideas of Entourage)!

    See ya at the movies!