Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My brain fell in the forest but nobody was there to hear it...

Is it wrong to wish for a world at peace AND I get laid all the time? I mean seriously, why can't I get laid? I brought world peace for Christ's sake!!!! FINE!! FORGET IT! Get your own world peace you selfish bastards.

As far as I'm concerned magnet manufacturers should be bending over any time the fridge industry asks.

It takes a village to raise a child but do WE see any part of the welfare cheque? NOOOOOO!

Way I see it, if you're not part of the solution, you're the contact lens. There.  I've said it. Do with it what you will.

The Tampon industry is ignoring a huge demographic by excluding men. We have orifices too ya know!

It's true. Quitters never win and winners never let you forget.

I don't care what anyone says. Nope, wasn't starting a thought, that's it.

It seems to me that ALL mastectomies are 'radical'.

I walked into the party with way more fluid grace than that baby's showing, OMG! NOW he's using the coffee table for balance while I'm standing here effortlessly! Where are MY 'oohs' and 'awwws'? Fucking babies!

How come no one's invented Meat Cake yet?

I'd like to think that when I die, I'll sit on God's right hand side and, together, we'll make fun of all the loser angels.

When you realize that there is just no opportunity to fart all day long, the Queen of England's typical facial expression makes total sense.

There's no problem in this world that can't be eased with a little denial.

When people say that money doesn't buy happiness I think they forget that poverty doesn't either.


  1. Well said Oh Wise one. Sorry, I mean Old Wise One. I agree with what you said about the magnet manufacturers. One thing my Mother always used to say about the hot dog bun industry, they should be bending over for the weiner. Oh wait, that came out wrong. They should be bending over for the sausage. Well this is just awkward.

  2. Drug makers should provide complimentary tampons with their "may cause anal leakage" medications. "Ask your doctor if anal leakage is right for you."

  3. Wellllll, yes Paul, but we definitely want to be careful that we don't make something beautiful like anal leakage too commercial. Look what we've done to Christmas.

    And Coreyoke we knew it would be awkward from the get go... but it's enough just to know the buns came to the party at all.